The Wait - " Usually, she arrives with a heavy bag in one hand and a hammer in the other."

I'm due a period. I know this because my Fitbit has alerted me by gently vibrating on my wrist, and for the past week I've been expecting the horrendous cramps, sweats and late-night chocolate binges (only the latter has fabricated). What's more, I'm feeling productive and for the first time in a long time, positive. 

I usually call the days before my bleed "The Wait." I call them this because I expect to see Aunt Flo turn up at my door at any given moment and I have to be prepared. Usually, she arrives with a heavy bag in one hand and a hammer in the other (picture Harlequin on your doorstep smiling at you through the spy-hole and you'll get my drift). Her bag is heavy; filled with the many fears and failings that I have brushed aside for a while because some things are just too painful and I don't need to deal with this shit, not now. At the door she'll throw the bag around the porch and laugh when she hears the contents break. Without a key, she will enter my home uninvited, tip the heavy bag upside down on my polished floor, and announce her stay. 

Before her arrival I do what any reasonable host does,  I seem to busy myself with cleaning the house, reorganising my cupboards, and tackling those tiresome jobs like rearranging the wardrobes (because we all know she'll check for cleanliness) and dusting the blinds. If you're anything like me, you'll tend to follow a similar pattern too; welcome the uninvited guest in and let her stay for more days than she's welcome because it's polite . At this "time of month", I usually seem to have little interest in anything but my home and and my pain management. My family try to work out how they should navigate the home us (me and Her), whilst I mostly spend my time in the only locked room in the house; the bathroom.

For the past few weeks, I've been reading snippets of journals from other women who have charted their cycles and I'm fascinated by their experiences. For some, The Wait is an horrendous time where withdrawing from the world seems the only viable option, for others it's invigorating. In the Wild Power (a book I refer to in my first post), The Wait is a time where emotional suffering and longing manifest themselves back into your life. For those who have experienced loss, pain, suffering, and neglect from the distant past or within their current reality, this time is difficult because of the inner-seasonal pattern that we as women go through each month. Of course, no two people will experience the same inner-seasons as each other, but an awareness of how menstruation patterns the life - death cycle is important to know, and understand. 

What are inner seasons you may ask? Well, everything in life has a cycle; human life, plants, animals, the weather, and we are no different. Throughout the month we experience our own inner-summerwhich will continue all the way through to our inner-winter. In our inner-summer, we experience times where we are confident and full of life; ready to tackle the world and its challenges, and in our inner-autumn/winter phase, we may want to refrain from the spotlight and be alone and unnoticed.

If you're interested In discovering your own inner-seasons you can use the above image as a guide, or even refer to the book I've mentioned above, but please be mindful that your experiences may be different. If you have a hormone-induced due to your contraceptive pill, your cycle may not be true to your body rhythms. Similarly, if you are younger and have just experienced your first bleed (menarche), or are approaching menopause, this cycle could look and feel completely different, and that's okay!

While I am by no means an expert in this particular area and my knowledge is based on what I have read thus far, my inner-autumn and the crossover days into my inner-winter have been revealing. 

I'll write again when Aunt Flo is here, perhaps I'll be brave enough to venture out from the locked bathroom.

Until next time.