The Red Circle: The Beginning

I'm cooking dinner and notice that inside one of the large, yellow peppers is a small baby pepper. Not quite formed, its tiny pepper-like features are characteristic of its bearer; blushed with a red kiss and cradled warmly against the curvature of its holder. I don't quite remember when the tears start to fall from my cheeks, but I'm aware of the droplets on the chopping board below as I chop into its seeded belly and separate baby from mother.

The urge to stop chopping hits me like a freight train. I reach for my tea towel on the counter and mop away my tears. Instantly, I feel as if I could vomit, nausea sets in thick and fast, and I balance myself against the work surface between gulps of water, quick to guzzle the remnants of the glass as if it were last-orders. The entirety of this episode lasts for around two minutes, but to me, time is still as I await to recover.

Suddenly, I feel alone. 

Alone in my kitchen.  

Alone in my house. 

Alone. 

"I, myself, am strange and unusual." -  Lydia, Beetlejuice (1988)

Once, this episode would have seemed strange and unusual to me, and in all honesty, it is hardly considered "normal" by anyone's standards. But, for the past few weeks, I've been trying to listen to my thoughts, feelings, emotional responses, and behavioural triggers to determine who I am, and why I react the way that I do. In fact, you could say that up until this point, I've listened to my body, but not heard or processed its messages correctly. To put this into context, it's a bit like delivering the perfect conference on Zoom, and realising 30-minutes later that you've been on mute; the communication is there, but the transmission is blocked.

The episode I described is not an abnormal situation to find yourself in. Not for women, especially not for women like me, who have many first-hand accounts of being told about their bodies and their behaviour. Often, menstruation is attributed to those who, every month, carry this air of irrationality, clumsiness, confusion, and guilt. All too often we hear (or experience) someone else's views of our period, and we are often left feeling ignored, excused, or simply not taken seriously because we are perceived to be, and are conditioned to believe, that we are emotionally weak during "our time of the month." Still in 2021, little is said from our lips as menstruators as we approach our monthly-bleed; numerous school initiatives and social media campaigns, have tried to normalise the conversation and raise awareness by inviting both males and females into the conversation, but our emotional wiring throughout our cycle is still overlooked and underappreciated.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a book that has challenged my view on menstruation and has encouraged me to actively explore areas of my life which I have neglected: self-compassion, self-care, and kindness. The book in question, Wild Power (2017), is written by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, founders of The Red School (a community of women on a mission to restore Menstrual Cycle Awareness) and is perhaps the most informative book that I have ever had the pleasure reading. 

"As a woman, you are coded for power, the journey to realising the fullness and beauty of that power - your Wild Power - lies in the rhythm, and change of your menstrual cycle." -  Wild Power

As this book delves into what Menstrual Cycle Awareness (MCA) actually is, and charts the pivotal moments of menarche (first bleed), menstruation, pregnancy and birth (should you choose to become a mother) and menopause, you're urged to consider your body's emotional and physical responses to the archetypal pattern of death - and rebirth, which is exactly what we as women experience each month at menstruation. This awareness not only brings a physiological understanding of your cycle and its integral role within your general health and wellbeing, but also considers how our feminine power has been neglected over time. 

Over the next month, I will share my daily blogs in an attempt to chart my cycle and write my truth. As I tune in to the rhythm and changes of my menstrual cycle, map its energies, tasks, and challenges along the way, I hope that you'll join me in the discovery of the self, our inner seasons, spiritual awareness, and feminine power.

I trust you'll take comfort in reading this blog, and encourage you to share your own truth and personal experiences with me too.

Until next time,