These last few days have been a bit of a blur for me. The pain has subsided but I've found myself really turning inward; being critical of my appearance and my actions. I want to bottle up the feel-good energy I had a day before my bleed, and open the bottle up right now! I don't like this feeling.
Today I looked in the mirror and didn't like what stared back. I feel softer, rounder, and generally not comfortable with the way I feel. Deep down I know that this feeling will pass, but right now I need to honour the sheer rawness of what this feeling is, and own it. What is my body telling me?
From my readings and research into the menstrual cycle, it seems our inner-winter (menstruation/period) shows us some kind of progress report of how we have handled the month. If we've neglected ourselves, our health, nutrition, and our quality of sleep, our bodies will shout and let us know. I honestly feel that I've neglected my nutrition this past month, not planning my meals, busying myself with work, and investing time in things that haven't made me feel too great about myself, has certainly zapped my energy. I need to listen and learn now.
However, all is not sour, nor is it lost. I have had a few proud moments this past month which have left me feeling very in tune with myself and my feminine intuition. Last week, I turned down an interview because the training involved for the job wasn't something I wanted to explore. I didn't feel comfortable committing to something that my heart didn't desire, so took it upon myself to cancel the interview and be very open and honest about my reasons why. I've learned that turning things down does not make me ungrateful, it just means that' I am respecting my desires for choosing my own path, and where necessary, carving a walkway when no particular path is available to me. Perhaps I am becoming stronger than I thought... my mind is flitting between weakness and strength, how odd!
As I approach the end of my bleed, I feel it's time to start setting goals and intentions for the month ahead. For instance, I want to explore the Divine Feminine more, delve deeper into Shadow Work, and build in yoga has a daily practice. I also want to refresh my altar, fill it with things I love, like flowers, candles and writing space for reflection. I have lots of ideas but don't want to rush into my inner-spring with so much energy that I burn out. I've done this before. It sucks.
This weekend has been a cosy one. The rain still continues to beat on my windows and I haven't the energy today to do too much. Instead, I'll wrap up underneath my blanket with a notepad, pen and book and start making my dreams a reality.
Until next time.
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