Welcome to my inner-winter; my natural retreat time from the world around me. Today I have tried to let go of all worries and allow myself to do nothing. Yesterday, I indulged in a relaxing salt bath and applied a clay face mask to incorporate some sense of self-care, and today I have been to the shops to buy snacks as a treat. In my attempt to delay pain medication yesterday, I found myself spiralling out of control. This lack of control caused me to panic and by dinner time I took my first pills and slept like a baby. In hindsight, this carnal-rawness was probably something I needed to take heed of (and take care of). But, when menstrual cramps take hold of me, I see nothing but red-mist, fear, and anxiety. The world starts to become very black and white, as I place all people, animals, and objects into two distinct categories: 1. Things that ease the pain, and 2. Things that do not. There is no grey. No rhyme or reason.
Today has been slightly different; I have experienced menstruations best-kept secret: the natural 'high.' I have felt present and self-assured, but deep down, I'm very wary of my energy levels and how depleted they are right now. While my brain is running on nitrous oxide, I'm constantly reminding myself that my body is being fuelled by chocolate, and literally any carb with salt & vinegar flavouring. Today, I'm like a modified Ford Sierra, the aesthetics may be good but the engine is struggling in 3rd.
For me, inner-winter is a time to take the foot of the gas a little. As new ideas swarm my brain, I am conscious that my productivity needs to be cut by half to allow me the time to relax and menstruate. Everything else in the world isn't as important as my self-care right now, and I think as women we need to own that...Actually, we once did own that shit by erecting a red tent (but that's another story).
This is a short entry for me today.
Until next time.
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