"Maybe the grass is greener on the other side because it's fertilised with shit"
This is perhaps one of my favourite sayings because it's so poignant and true. I am one of those people who second-guesses herself regularly, compares herself to others, and often believes that she is not good enough. I've never really thought about the I'm not good enough thought until today; mid-way through cutting down a garden hedge.
I have been moaning about the garden being overgrown for a few weeks now, and suddenly felt the urgency to tackle the monstrosity that stares at me every day from my living room window. Despite my husbands warning that there would be heavy rain today, I marched into the garden shed and grabbed the cordless hedge cutters, stepladders, and gardening gloves; determined that those hedges were being cut! My husband, of course, decided that this would be a good day to visit family, and in hindsight, I can't say that I blame him.
Now to cut a garden hedge down, or tackle any sort of job that you hate doing, you need to have some sort of awesome playlist. Today, I had chosen K. Flay's album Everywhere is somewhere (2017), and angrily chopped away at those pesky hedges that were blocking sunlight, and genuinely ruining my day. When it came to the tall hedges, I knew the ladder was needed. Not feeling very confident with heights, I was surprised at how quickly I scaled the ladder and began chopping away. I swung the hedge cutters to and fro and had a few near misses with my arms and legs. Once the hedge was clear and I could see the top of my fence, I took a peek over the next-door neighbours garden and grinned.
Now, I'm not one to judge anyone on their home or their garden, and this grin wasn't a "my gardens better than yours!" type of grin. It was more the realisation that I had already a thought firmly set in my mind: ALL gardens ARE better than mine, and I'm failing to look after mine. It's ridiculous really. But unpacking these thoughts a little helped me to process this information logically.
"Compassion is the thief of joy"
It's a metaphor really. I need to tend to my own garden because what I earlier perceived to be the urge to maintain the physical garden, was actually my soul demanding to be nurtured. It was then that the batteries died in my hedge cutters, the sky grew dark, and my dog Freyja was seen rolling in what looked like fox shit. It was like some bizarre movie, but real. I quickly descended the ladders, tidied the garden, and then just stood in the rain.
The rain turned to hail.
The hail turned to thunder.
The clouds crashed and sparked.
I picked the freshly cut hedges from the lawn with no urgency now. Carefully placed each branch into the garden bin, and washed Freyja's biscuit smell away.
With zero fucks given at this point I stripped naked and ascended the stairs.
It was today that I learned the true meaning of tending your own garden.
Until next time.
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